Here's something that I have been thinking about lately, it makes me feel slightly comforted and slightly depressed, but here it is.
What if, we all had little laser beams and when the time is right for us, we release our beams at people.
The actual targets of our beams might not have much to do with anything except that we are ready, they are there, and there is something that is drawing us to them (good looks, sweet smile, charisma, their smell...)
What if, when we are ready for something in our lives, maybe we just aim and shoot? Then, we go about doing what we are ready to do, in terms of learning about ourselves, surrendering, trusting, committing, or in so many cases, suffering. Maybe, because who gets shot, is, mostly arbitrary, in my laser beam equation, this leads to so much of our suffering, heartbreak, loneliness...divorce?
I mean, think about your failed relationships, or just some of the jerks you even fell for, the ones that really hurt, you were probably ready for something that the person you laser shot was not ready for, or maybe even not looking for...Then, we go around heartbroken and sad because we made this huge effort and perhaps spent years of our lives in it, we shot our beam at this person and we didn't get what we were shooting for.
We even go out to shoot new targets and tell these new targets about our bad past shots (or they tell you about theirs)! (a little fucked up, right?).
Think about that shot you had that cost you so much time and suffering, only to turn out to be a TOTAL waste of time...and yet, even though you know it, you still think about them, they still jump around in your head like target practice and all you want to do is shoot them, although not so much with your fancy little laser beam... I think that these shots, the ones we just can't let go of are probably because we had big shit to learn or try to learn, we were super ready for it and the targets were just dead wrong. Because other bad shots, well, they just don't haunt us. See what I'm saying?
Anyhow, it's not that I am not a romantic, or don't believe in love, au contraire, but seriously, does life need to be this intense?...
and, like magic, just as I typed this last sentence, a past shot, a LONG shot comes to mind. He was so un-intense, so un-passionate about me that I could have died a thousand deaths and he never would have even noticed, until, as a good friend recently reminded me, he noticed that my half of the bills weren't paid.
So, yes, I will take the intensity, I will aim again, I will shoot and I will see who gets hit with my beam and try and decide whether I should quickly throw it back in and let it go or take it home and figure out what it is I am supposed to learn from it. And I am not saying that it might not take a few shots at the same target sometimes, but, maybe every so often, two people target each other, simultaneously, both shoot, and both happen to have the same stuff to learn. And, then again, sometimes the short shots are pretty great too, don't you think?